The Art of Letting go

As we sift through drawers, closets, and forgotten boxes, the dust makes my eyes water and my nose stuff up. Emotions well inside. I remember the young student who gave me this red card with the embossed deity on it the cover. He was seven at the time he was in my kids yoga class, but he must be in Cegep now. There’s also an astrology book found in this collection of stuff. The instructor who gave it to me way back when doesn’t speak to me anymore because of a disagreement. In other box, I find every attendance sheet of every class I ever taught since 2004. I can’t believe that was eight years ago, and I really can’t believe I’m in the process of packing up and moving out of my studio.

This was my week to sort through everything at Om West and decide what stays, what to recycle, what to discard, and what to bring home. On Thursday afternoon, I sit on the floor of Studio 1 and sort CDs. There are a couple without labels. I put one into the player and the notes of Yann Tiersen’s theme song for Amelie begin. Suddenly, I’m lost in a cloud of memories and undistinguishable feelings. I stare at the window and try to regain my composure. “We’re almost done,” I tell myself. “Soon this will all be over.”

I’m not very good at organizing, so trying to figure out what to do with all these accumulated documents and materials is stressful for me. It’s a lot of small intestine work, my friend Nadia would say. I feel constipated, both physically and mentally. But miraculously, after three days and several car trips later, we’re done, and the studio has never, in its 15 years of existence, been more orderly. 

By 8:30pm, Craig, who all day was helping me sort and stay focused, is waiting by the door. The car is packed. But all of a sudden, I have an urge to sit and have a good cry. The lump in my throat has become so large, it’s restricting my breath, and my lower lip is quivering uncontrollably. It finally hit me— All the decisions I made here, all the people I met, all the events I’ve hosted… I never before realized what I actually created and did in this place. I don’t want to leave. I feel like going back upstairs and hugging every wall.  

Craig walks over and puts his arms around me and whispers things like, “Everything is still going to be here next week,” and “Think about all the you’re now going to have.” But I know I just have to let myself release emotions until I feel better.

We eventually make our way home. I am comforted by conversation with Antoine, the new owner, and a bowl of warm Thai curry that is delivered to our door.

So now the sorting is over, and it’s end of a monumental year.

Craig and I are in Bancroft, Ontario at Kat and Vito’s alpaca farm. My friend Jamie Lee, the artist, and Ron Obadia, chocolate yoga co-founder are here too. I’m happy to be celebrating the start of 2012 surrounded by beloved friends. We have a big bonfire planned tonight and I brought a box of paperwork to burn. This will be my way of symbolically letting go of the past.

It’s the dawn of a new beginning, and the start of a new adventure. I’m ready and I’m so stoked.

Kids Yoga Camp 2008

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Practice your own letting go ritual this weekend: 

Write down anything and/or everything that has upset you. Then, as soon as you are done writing, destroy the paper by burning or shredding it.

Cleaning out closets and storage boxes can also be liberating. 

Then, take time to be silent so inspiration can come.

Happy Happy New Year. May peace and joy prevail.

Embracing Change

I have a big announcement... I sold my yoga studio.

It seems strange to see those words and even stranger to say them out loud. But it's true. After being the sole proprietor of Om West Holistic Centre for five years, I am choosing a new path. This is no doubt a huge change for me and it was a difficult decision. I have spent 17 years at this yoga centre.

My yoga life began in the dimly lit, carpeted studio at 46 Ste Anne Street in Pointe Claire Village, which is about 25km west of downtown Montreal. It was circa 1996 and no one cool had ever tried yoga expect maybe the Beatles 30 years prior. I'm an awkward teenager working part-time for Gigi, the owner of said yoga studio. With her encouragement/enforcement, my friend and I start practicing Ashtanga yoga with Mark Darby, who is fresh from India and impatient with awkward teenagers. (By the way, Darby is now a renown world-traveling yoga teacher, but he had his Western debut at Gigi's humble little studio, as did several other yoga masters.) For some reason, I stick with ashtanga yoga, although I distinctly remember not having much affinity towards it back then. 

A few years later, at age 18 or 19, I end up on a deserted island in British Colombia learning yoga from Claire, a spirited 24-year-old who had taught yoga in Costa Rica. I'm mesmerized by her soulful beauty and I wanted to be like her, so because of her prompting, I started teaching yoga to kids. The summer ends and I'm back in Pointe Claire. Gigi puts me in charge of the kids yoga program at her Centre. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I borrow a book from the library and I make it up as I go along. (Admittedly, making things up as I go is a tactic I continue to rely on to this day!)

Two years later and I'm in Australia for a year. I'm at RMIT university. I am teaching adult yoga, and I attempt to record my first yoga cd (alone in a basement radio booth). It's January 2003 and I'm back again at the Centre in Pointe Claire Village. Gigi convinces me to stay in Montreal and manage her centre. Good call, because in the year I was Down Under, North Americans go crazy for yoga. My evening classes quickly overflow. Pretty soon and I'm all over the place teaching 6000 classes a week and I LOVE IT, but I don't really have much formal training. So after briefly flirting with the idea of moving to Norway, I commit to living in Montreal for another year, and register for Mark Darby and Hart Lazer's 200 hour yoga teacher training. It's there I meet my best yogi friends Mark Laham and Jamie Lee. I'm extremely tempted to follow Mark's path of nomade yoga teacher, but when Jamie decides to buy Yoga Source, a studio in the South Shore, getting a studio of my own seems like a good idea. In 2005, Gigi offers to sell me her studio. I say, no. When she asks again in 2006, I say, yes, and acquire a bank loan.


I discover that owning a studio is a lot more complex than managing one part-time. Argumentative staff, a dissatisfied client, and big bills, there are moments I am sick with anxiety and stress. Someone says, "Why don't you try some yoga? Ha Ha," and I want to kill him or her. However, I then find Marianne, a wonderful mothery manager, who helps me get organized. A few years go by. The studio grows, and my responsibilities continue to increase. I'm overwhelmed and I really can't think straight. I need guidance. 

I find Lisa Lajoie, a spiritual mastermind, and she and I become pals. "I'm not sure if I want all these responsibilities, and I'm not sure I'm meant to be a yoga teacher. Sometimes, I feel like I poser..." I rhapsodize. Lisa and I talk a lot. But I still I don't know what to do. I pray for inspiration. I meditate. I write. I decide to embark on an inner pilgrimage, a mala of 108 practices. On April 15, Lisa suggests I start on the 108th day of the year, which is three days later. I protest I'm not prepared, but she shoots me her 'Don't mess with me' look, so I go home and freak out all night. Nevertheless, on the morning of April 18, 2010, I start my journey of 108 daily sun salutations in company of my friend Ron Cherilus and some of the students of Om West. 


Of course, what transpires next, are the 108 days of surya namasker that are already outlined in the pages of this blog. During this time, it becomes increasingly oblivious to me that I no longer want to run a yoga centre. But I feel like a mother afraid to admit she is too young to raise a child, so I keep my mouth shut, and force my way through hours of tedious administrative tasks. The 108 days end with a 32 hour consecutive yoga marathon at Om West. It's the most amazing experience of my life. I am doing my favourite thing in the world, I'm in my studio, and I'm surrounded by my favourite people. I am so in love with each moment. I don't want to let it go. 


Marianne and I part ways in the fall and Tasreen joins me as studio manager. Working with Tas is great. Along with my new business advisor, Blair, we implement procedures and systems. I'm learning a lot about business, and the studio is becoming busier. Sales are going up, but I still feel burdened with decisions and tasks. By Christmas, it's clear I need a radical change. At first, I think getting a partner would be helpful, and I toy with this concept for a few months. Unfortunately, a good partnership candidate fails to appear, so I start exploring other options. I sign-on, then quickly sign-off with a business broker. He doesn't understand the needs of the studio, and I'm determined to find someone who will care, really care about the well being of my Centre and the students who come there. My goal is to find new owners before I turn 30. I don't know the first thing about selling a business. With no broker and no leads, I worry, then I pray and meditate. 


What follows is rather serendipitous. One quiet Friday afternoon in May, I get a Marma Point Massage from Antoine. Afterward, we sit and have tea. He tells me how much he and his wife, Pamela, love Om West, and he says that if I ever consider selling it, to tell him first as they would be very interested. From there, we meet and exchange non-disclosure agreements. I spend the summer organizing more paperwork that I have in my entire five years of business ownership. But then things fall into place, and here I am. Pamela and Anotine will officially take my place as owners Jan. 1, 2012, and I will stay on to teach a few regular classes at Om West.

I have to say, it feels good to share this story. I am grateful beyond words to my parents, my boyfriend Craig, my teachers, my advisors, who have been there for me every step of the way. I have learned so much and grown so much. I feel I understand business now and I want to help other yogi entrepreneurs. I am a little nervous, but also excited, about what lies ahead.


I'm turning 30 in about two and half weeks, and apart from celebrating with family and friends, all I want is a skeleton. So if you happen to know where I can get one, or if you happen to have a spare, can you let me know? 


Thanks. 

Baby Alpaca in Bancroft, Ont

The Buddha says, “It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been away, only how soon you come back.”

So here I am. Back, after a few weeks of being conflicted over what to write about.

I’m in Bancroft, a small town smack in the middle of Ontario. It’s our annual Victoria Day (Memorial Day for you Americans) weekend visit to our friends Kat and Vito’s farm. Apart from the black flies, it’s heavenly to be in the country with such good friends: Jamie Lee (artist extraordinaire), Jamie’s friend Sara (a fire dancing poi spinner), Jeanine Caron (blogger of Wonderings and Wanderings), and Kevin Gauthier, a chocolatier, who just returned from a six month tour of South-East Asia. Unfortunately, Craig could not join us, because he is preparing for his photo exhibit, which opens Tuesday.

Last year, I was in the midst of my 108 day Sun Salutation project and Kat, Vi, and then two-year-old Gioia had just moved up here from the Toronto area. This year, their family has expanded and now features nine alpacas, a pony, two dogs, a cat, a rooster, a bunch of chickens, and ten-week-old baby Veda Flora.

After touring an Art Festival in downtown Bancroft, we went for nice long forest trek, accompanied by an unusual gang: Invincible the cat, dogs Misty and Xena, and Walnut, the six week old alpaca personally delivered by my most amazing friend Kat. Kat is truly an inspiration. Not only is she capable of reaching her entire arm inside a birthing alpaca with newborn Veda and toddler Gioia at her heels, she is also the best vegan chef I know. Click here for a link to one of Kat’s recipes from my last visit her. And below is Kat’s recipe for Lentil Walnut Burgers. (Walnut as in the nut, not the alpaca...)

I am very grateful to be away from the city for a few days. It’s nice to lounge and catch up with friends. Nature and fresh air is so soothing to us city-slickers.

I’m also super excited and grateful that I get to be in the country again next week for our Urban Goddess Retreat at Spa Eastman. (By the way, if you are interested in joining us, there are a few still available. For more info, email Jasmine: jgoyer@yasminyoga.com)

Meet Walnut, a six-week-old alpaca

Kat’s Lentil Walnut Burger

 

¾ cup dry red lentils

2 tbsp apple cider vinegar

10 mushrooms

1 cup fine chopped onions

4-5 garlic cloves (minced)

½ ground walnuts

1 pound of minced spinach (optional)

1 tsp dry mustard

½ wheat germ or bread crumbs

Cook lentils: ratio of ¾ lentils to 1 ½ water. Bring to boil, reduce to simmer for 30 mins. Sauté onions, garlic, and mushrooms. Once lentils are cooked, mash them together with apple cider vinegar, ground walnuts, mustard, and bread crumbs. Then add in onions, garlic and mushrooms.  Let mixture cool for approximately 30 minutes, then form into patties. (Patties can be frozen on cookie sheet for later or cooked right away.) Broil 5-8 mins per side, then dress with sprouts, avocado, tomatoes or however you’d like. Yum Yum.

Day 36 – Reflections of the journey 1/3 through

As of today, I will have completed 3888 sun salutations. My friends, Jamie and Jeanine, suggest contacting the Guinness Book of World Records and see if I might be a contestant for most sun salutations. That would be pretty cool, something to cross off the bucket list anyway.

I haven’t done my practice today, because I slept in until 9am again today and then we got right into making pancakes. (FYI, sun salutations on a full belly of banana pancakes isn’t awesome.) We have scheduled a practice for about 4:30pm and as of now, everyone is keen. I’m starting to better and better about practicing. I look forward to it every day. I get high on the feeling of gliding into and out of postures effortlessly. Just thinking about it gives me tingles up m spine. I love being in my own world, where everything stressful and seemingly important falls away and I’m left with clear and floating feeling. It’s kind of like sex actually.

My body is transforming, as well. Not surprisingly, I have become leaner and much more toned. I not bulky, but I feel do feel a lot stronger. I am able to open jars all by myself and my capacity to lift heavy objects has increased quite a bit. It’s rare that I feel sore and achy, and if I do wake up a little stiff, the feeling is gone after the first 36 sun sals. The other day I had big pain in my tibialis anterior muscle, which is located at the front the shin and is mostly responsible for foot flexion. It hurt all the way up into my knee, but after a couple of minutes in sputa virasana, the cramping sensation completely subsided.

My appetite has changed too. At the beginning of this 108, I was rarely hungry despite the amount of physical activity I was doing. I just didn’t feel like eating. Now, my appetite is much stronger. I love feeling hungry, because it makes me excited about eating and there’s nothing worse that being ‘blah’ at mealtime. I don’t go for typical junk food, but I do like ‘organic’ chips, salsa and homemade cookies. Lately, I’ve been enjoying soups, stews, tripped out oatmeal and Vega smoothies, oh and dark chocolate.

Speaking of food, I learned something new today. Kat, who is ever conscious of food production, taught me how to read fruit and veggie labels this morning: If the number on say the banana sticker starts with a #3, it means it’s genetically modified. If it starts with a #4, the produce was grown with conventional agricultural practices. And if the sticker begins with a #9, it means organic. To remember these numbers, Kat suggests thinking of it as a scale from worse to best— three is least healthy and nine is the healthiest. Here’s a link to an article about why genetically modified food sucks: http://www.greenpeace.org/canada/en/campaigns/ge/

* * *
Did my practice outside this afternoon with Jamie, Vito and Craig. The black flies and mosquitoes were bad, but no excuse to stay inside, so I adapted my yoga outfit accordingly.
(Those mesh jackets work great, despite how annoying they are to move in!)

Day 26 - Finding the Creative Flow (Chakra #2)

The hockey madness has settled (a little) and the broken glass along Ste Catherine's has been swept up, so it's time to move on to a discussion about creativity and the second chakra...

The creative or sex chakra is situated just above the pubic bone. Its Sanskrit name is 'Swadhisthana' and it is associated with the color orange and the mantra 'VAM. It is responsible for our emotions, sex, reproduction, and creativity. When Swadhisthana is in balance, we are imaginative, creative and have a healthy sex life.

Today, I have two videos for you. One of my friend and artist Jamie Lee talking about his new painting and where creativity comes from. The other video is my sun salutation to energize the creative chakra using its mantra, VAM.

To see more of Jamie's art, visit his website: www.mythirdeye.info

Other ideas to spark the creative fire...

1- Surround your self with books and images that you like
2- Make an 'I LIKE' list of all of your favourite things
3- Go to the museum
4- See Cirque de Soleil LIVE
5- Give yourself space to think: go for a walk alone without music or a cell
6- Take a candle light bath with lavender
7- Stage a bed-in with the one you love
8- Join an artist's exchange - everyone draws a name and you have to make a piece of
art for person whose name you chose.
9- Check out the websites of cool artists. Here are links to some of the people who
inspire me:

• Jamie Lee
• Laura Hollick (Laura even offers workshops to help you unleash your creative spirit.)
• Alex Grey
• Chris Dyer
• Laur Fugere
• Margie Gillis
• and of course, my beloved, Craig Bannerman, the man who inspires me most.
  

May I ask, who and what inspires you, my friends?

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Surya Namaskar Recipe: The Creative Balancing Salute
VIDEO

(I know, chanting mantras can seem a little nerdy, but it feels really good after. If you are shy, find a quiet place, so you can practice without interruption.)