The Art of Letting go

As we sift through drawers, closets, and forgotten boxes, the dust makes my eyes water and my nose stuff up. Emotions well inside. I remember the young student who gave me this red card with the embossed deity on it the cover. He was seven at the time he was in my kids yoga class, but he must be in Cegep now. There’s also an astrology book found in this collection of stuff. The instructor who gave it to me way back when doesn’t speak to me anymore because of a disagreement. In other box, I find every attendance sheet of every class I ever taught since 2004. I can’t believe that was eight years ago, and I really can’t believe I’m in the process of packing up and moving out of my studio.

This was my week to sort through everything at Om West and decide what stays, what to recycle, what to discard, and what to bring home. On Thursday afternoon, I sit on the floor of Studio 1 and sort CDs. There are a couple without labels. I put one into the player and the notes of Yann Tiersen’s theme song for Amelie begin. Suddenly, I’m lost in a cloud of memories and undistinguishable feelings. I stare at the window and try to regain my composure. “We’re almost done,” I tell myself. “Soon this will all be over.”

I’m not very good at organizing, so trying to figure out what to do with all these accumulated documents and materials is stressful for me. It’s a lot of small intestine work, my friend Nadia would say. I feel constipated, both physically and mentally. But miraculously, after three days and several car trips later, we’re done, and the studio has never, in its 15 years of existence, been more orderly. 

By 8:30pm, Craig, who all day was helping me sort and stay focused, is waiting by the door. The car is packed. But all of a sudden, I have an urge to sit and have a good cry. The lump in my throat has become so large, it’s restricting my breath, and my lower lip is quivering uncontrollably. It finally hit me— All the decisions I made here, all the people I met, all the events I’ve hosted… I never before realized what I actually created and did in this place. I don’t want to leave. I feel like going back upstairs and hugging every wall.  

Craig walks over and puts his arms around me and whispers things like, “Everything is still going to be here next week,” and “Think about all the you’re now going to have.” But I know I just have to let myself release emotions until I feel better.

We eventually make our way home. I am comforted by conversation with Antoine, the new owner, and a bowl of warm Thai curry that is delivered to our door.

So now the sorting is over, and it’s end of a monumental year.

Craig and I are in Bancroft, Ontario at Kat and Vito’s alpaca farm. My friend Jamie Lee, the artist, and Ron Obadia, chocolate yoga co-founder are here too. I’m happy to be celebrating the start of 2012 surrounded by beloved friends. We have a big bonfire planned tonight and I brought a box of paperwork to burn. This will be my way of symbolically letting go of the past.

It’s the dawn of a new beginning, and the start of a new adventure. I’m ready and I’m so stoked.

Kids Yoga Camp 2008

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Practice your own letting go ritual this weekend: 

Write down anything and/or everything that has upset you. Then, as soon as you are done writing, destroy the paper by burning or shredding it.

Cleaning out closets and storage boxes can also be liberating. 

Then, take time to be silent so inspiration can come.

Happy Happy New Year. May peace and joy prevail.

Death becomes us

I'm sad.

Remember that beautiful baby alpaca I wrote about yesterday? Well, this afternoon, I had the misfortune of walking into the barn and finding Walnut dead, crushed under the weight of his sick mother. I ran into the house to get Vito to help me move the mother alpaca, but sadly, it was too late. It appeared as though the mother had collapsed as baby Walnut was feeding and trapping him beneath her. The mother alpaca has been getting progressively worse and is expected to follow her baby soon. 

We buried Walnut's body in the back of the property. Having had such a strong bond with the little alpaca, Kat was inconsolable. In his quiet way, Vito was also clearly deeply affected. In fact, we all were. 

A sad lesson in the impermanence of life...

As Kat put it, "I know death is part of life, but I don't know why it is still so shocking."

Baby Alpaca in Bancroft, Ont

The Buddha says, “It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been away, only how soon you come back.”

So here I am. Back, after a few weeks of being conflicted over what to write about.

I’m in Bancroft, a small town smack in the middle of Ontario. It’s our annual Victoria Day (Memorial Day for you Americans) weekend visit to our friends Kat and Vito’s farm. Apart from the black flies, it’s heavenly to be in the country with such good friends: Jamie Lee (artist extraordinaire), Jamie’s friend Sara (a fire dancing poi spinner), Jeanine Caron (blogger of Wonderings and Wanderings), and Kevin Gauthier, a chocolatier, who just returned from a six month tour of South-East Asia. Unfortunately, Craig could not join us, because he is preparing for his photo exhibit, which opens Tuesday.

Last year, I was in the midst of my 108 day Sun Salutation project and Kat, Vi, and then two-year-old Gioia had just moved up here from the Toronto area. This year, their family has expanded and now features nine alpacas, a pony, two dogs, a cat, a rooster, a bunch of chickens, and ten-week-old baby Veda Flora.

After touring an Art Festival in downtown Bancroft, we went for nice long forest trek, accompanied by an unusual gang: Invincible the cat, dogs Misty and Xena, and Walnut, the six week old alpaca personally delivered by my most amazing friend Kat. Kat is truly an inspiration. Not only is she capable of reaching her entire arm inside a birthing alpaca with newborn Veda and toddler Gioia at her heels, she is also the best vegan chef I know. Click here for a link to one of Kat’s recipes from my last visit her. And below is Kat’s recipe for Lentil Walnut Burgers. (Walnut as in the nut, not the alpaca...)

I am very grateful to be away from the city for a few days. It’s nice to lounge and catch up with friends. Nature and fresh air is so soothing to us city-slickers.

I’m also super excited and grateful that I get to be in the country again next week for our Urban Goddess Retreat at Spa Eastman. (By the way, if you are interested in joining us, there are a few still available. For more info, email Jasmine: jgoyer@yasminyoga.com)

Meet Walnut, a six-week-old alpaca

Kat’s Lentil Walnut Burger

 

¾ cup dry red lentils

2 tbsp apple cider vinegar

10 mushrooms

1 cup fine chopped onions

4-5 garlic cloves (minced)

½ ground walnuts

1 pound of minced spinach (optional)

1 tsp dry mustard

½ wheat germ or bread crumbs

Cook lentils: ratio of ¾ lentils to 1 ½ water. Bring to boil, reduce to simmer for 30 mins. Sauté onions, garlic, and mushrooms. Once lentils are cooked, mash them together with apple cider vinegar, ground walnuts, mustard, and bread crumbs. Then add in onions, garlic and mushrooms.  Let mixture cool for approximately 30 minutes, then form into patties. (Patties can be frozen on cookie sheet for later or cooked right away.) Broil 5-8 mins per side, then dress with sprouts, avocado, tomatoes or however you’d like. Yum Yum.