re-Emerging

Hello my friends,

It's been so long since I've written and yet, so much has happened. In the past month, my studio manager quit/retired, I taught at the Vancouver Yoga Show and I hosted a major fundraiser for the Stephen Lewis Foundation. It goes without saying, but I've been busy.

I was also been feeling a little down. Maybe it was the work load and the deep fatigue. But I think mainly it was the feeling of not being totally integrated.

In the last few months post 108x108/Guinness, I have been trying to establish a new rhythm for my life and honestly, it's been a challenge. My work is piled high and I'm still adapting what happened to me in during those 108 days. "How have I changed?" and "What's next?" are questions that continue to circulate in my mind.

I am aware that I have changed, but am unsure how to express it, which is probably why I haven't been writing.

People are really curious about how I felt physically after doing 32 hours of yoga. I suppose many think that's it's the body that undergoes the most strain during a marathon, but I would tend to disagree. Physically, I recovered rather quickly. (In fact, I was honestly more sore the day after a 45 minute run up Mont Royal than I was after the Guinness challenge.) But there was so much more mental, emotional and spiritual energy that propelled me through 108 days of sun salutations and 32 hours of continuous practice. And it's in this space, I am still recovering and trying to find my place.

I have made some headway. My meditation practice feels richer. I'm increasingly conscious of how I am feeling emotionally moment to moment, and so my gut instincts appear sharper. This is allowing me to make better decisions and is helping me overcome my fear of confrontation. I am no longer waiting to address situations that tend to upset me, and so, as result, I am feeling less burdened by heavy emotions.

This said, I am still doing a lot of inner clearing, and I need time and space to do this. So, fortunately or unfortunately, I have to let go of a few things. This includes our annual Eco-Fair, which will have to be put off until next or maybe the spring. I just don't have it in me to organize another big event before the holidays.

I am grateful for the support of my family and friends during this process and very excited to start working with my new studio manager, whom I just hired.

I have to share this very sweet note my dad sent me this morning from Turkey (my parents are on a one month post-retirement honey moon tour of Turkey):

Dear Yas,
I just thought it was time for me to remind you how much I love you and admire you for what you are doing and trying to do. Don't give up on your dream and be afraid to take chances. I know it is hard but you will succeed. I send you light and love,
Dad
PS Keep believing in your self

A photo of my mom & I at DARE 10.10.10., the Stephen Lewis Foundation fundraiser I co-organized with Ron Cherilus on Oct 10. We raised $5956!

Day 95 - The Great Unknown

I had a fantastic practice in the park this evening. At Len's suggestion, I did my 108 a much faster pace using a breathing technique called Bhastrika Pranayam (Bellows Breath). It's a slightly intense, deep in and out breath through usually done through the nose lifting the arms up and down. In the version that Len shared with me, he breathed through his mouth with the teeth almost touching and lips separated. This breath is meant to detoxify the body and stimulate the digestive fire. (Here's a link to video of this pranayam)

Also, going quickly through surya namaskar, allowed me to gather momentum and relax the muscles in my shoulders and neck, which was Len's point. He says I am holding a lot of tension there and also advised me to avoid chaturanga for a few days. My experience was amazing. I did pretty much the opposite practice as yesterday-- instead of spreading 90 sun sals over two hours, I did 81 in 35 mins. It's not what I'm accustomed to, but I feel super energized now, my neck is pain free and the headache I woke up with has disappeared.

In other news, I received an email from one of my former teachers last night. It was a reply to my email requesting his advice and his blessing for my upcoming challenge. Unfortunately, he is not supportive of me doing 32 hours of practice "and calling it yoga." This really bummed me out. But after thinking about it, I understand his point, as this is an unusual request and I haven't studied with him in a long time, so he doesn't really know how my practice has evolved over the last year and a half or so. Plus, he would not be a good teacher if he just threw around his blessings without hearing the full story of a student he hasn't taught in a while. After all, as a responsible instructor, he has to make sure his students are safe. Anyway, I'm going to meet him on Monday morning to discuss. I hope I'll be able to convince him of my sincere desire to honour the practice and myself through this silly project of mine. However, I also willing to go forth with my plans with or without his full support.

Sadly, I knew from the onset that my 32 hour Guinness challenge would insight some controversy, as do most great adventures that traverse the unknown.

Day 94 - getting advice + a four hour practice

At this time in two weeks, I will be done. I will have finished my 108 days of 108 sun salutations and my 32 hour practice will be complete. It's hard to imagine, so I don't bother trying. I'm just doing what I've done before: simply focusing on one breath and one posture at a time.

Today, I did my first planned out four hour practice without a break. It was really nice. I loved being able to linger in certain poses and really take my time. It felt luxurious. The first hour I did pranayama, mudras (hand positions), mantras, and opening postures. Next, Miranda joined me and we spent two hours going slowly through the 90 surya namaskar that remained for the day. Then, in the last hour I did the seated sequence of the Ashtanga primary without vinyasa. I ended with a six minute savasana.

As I mentioned, I'm planning on breaking up the 32 hour practice in segments of four hours or so with a 20 minute break in between. I will outline what I want to do for each four hour practice, but I'm open to modifying it according to how I feel. After all, it wouldn't be yoga if I was just forcing myself into poses simply because they are on my list. I really want to explore the subtleties of different postures and see what I can learn from doing a focused practice for so long.

This evening I met with Len Blum, co-director of United Yoga Montreal and a highly respected teacher. I had asked if he would help me plan out the eight four-hour practices. He agreed, but first he wanted to question my motivations... and my sanity. He said I seem mentally prepared for this challenge and that he was happy that I am interested in exploring the practice and delving into different areas of it rather than just plowing through a bunch of asanas for the sake of it. Len suggested that an outline is good, but that I shouldn't be too committed to it in case things come up along the way and I need to change the plan. I reassured him that I am fine with this. He also offered to be the yoga teacher on duty during what will likely be the toughest part, midnight to 8:00am. I am so grateful for this offering, as I know having someone there to help me through the night will make a big difference.

On that note, I'm going to go to bed and rest. I need to take advantage of early bedtimes for the next couple of weeks.

Please send along your suggestions. I am taking all feedback into consideration.

Day 92 - Debate over Traditions

So, I caught the bouquet last night. It hit me like a bullet in the chest and apparently, my shocked expression was priceless.

I'm not really into wedding hoopla, so I was quite happy to continue a conversation on the sideline and watch 'all the single ladies' fight over the bridal bouquet. But when the announcement for the toss came, the groom saw me and ushered me into the mosh pit of anticipation. I purposefully stood in the back and wasn't paying attention when the cluster of white roses somehow plowed its way through the five or six bouncing women in front of me and literally landed in my lap. Craig, who is way more traditional than I am, thought this was 'great' and hasn't stopped teasing me about it.

I like weddings. People are always happy and it's nice to have a gathering to celebrate love. Our friends, Noah and Sarah, were beaming last night, which was wonderful to witness. The food was delicious and atmosphere was joyful.

I'm still curious though why weddings are orchestrated in a certain way, because at times it seems like certain traditions are a little mechanical or forced. I often wonder what makes people want to follow traditions in general, and why they are considered so important. Is it for fun? is it for sense of belonging? or is it for other people?

Craig and I debated this a bit on the drive home from Stanstead. He's thinks traditions are good; I'm think they are confusing. I'm not against them, but it's the "because that's the way it is" stuff that I can't wrap my head around. I challenged Craig on all kinds of social conventions that don't make sense to me like wearing black at a funeral, eating turkey on Thanksgiving, tossing the bouquet and garter at a wedding, among others. He had some good points, like traditions give you something to look forward to, they are symbolic, and they create community.

In the end, we both agreed that it's up to us individuals to contemplate and reinterpret traditions so that they are meaningful to us and let go of the rest.

I'm curious. What are your thoughts on this?

* * *

As for my practice today, I did 54 sun sals before breakfast next to the river behind our B&B. It was heavenly. The birds, the wind in the trees, along with some swaying chimes created a magical symphony. I wanted to do the whole 108 this morning, but I had to cut it short because of timing. So, I'm home now and I'll be getting to the second half in a moment.

Day 73 - Len Blum

This morning marked our second day of Morning Yoga by the Lake. The conditions were perfect, the sunrise magnificent, so we practiced on the pier just outside the Pointe Claire Village as we've done at this time, four years straight. The feeling of practicing outside at dawn in a group of highly committed students is amazing.

Len Blum joined us this morning. Len is a brilliant yoga instructor, who is part owner of United Yoga Montreal. He is also a former successful Hollywood screen writer and the only person I know who can recite all 196 Yoga Sutras (spiritual versus) from memory in Sanskrit and knows all the major interpretations of each scripture. He is truly a devout and incredible yogi and I was humbled by his presence.

We started our meditation and breathing exercises at about 6 am and started our first set of 36 sun salutations at 6:20. Our first 12 were very slow version of my opening:

• 4 half sun salutations = two full sun sals
• 2 sun sals with three cat/cow stretches to bring mobility into the spine
• 2 sun sals holding plank for three breaths to awaken the back muscles (no chaturanga or back bend)
• 2 streamline or thunderbolt sun sals to gently open the chest and shoulders
• 2 sphinx sun sals to further open the front of the body
• 2 sun sals with three progressive cobras (small, medium, full)

Following our opening series, we did 60 Surya Namaskar A bringing our awareness to a different successive part of the body every six sun sals. (For me, this was in honour of Anthea, who left for BC this morning and who first introduced me to this style of surya namaskar.) Here's what we did:

• Toes, feet and ankles
• Knees & quadriceps
• Integration of legs from big toe to head of femur (inner leg line)
• Pelvis (any aspect of it)
• *Five-ten minute break.
• Rib cage
• Shoulder girdle (shoulder joint, clavicle, shoulder blade)
• Neck & head
• Integration of the entire spine tailbone to crown of head
• Integration of the body whole & breath
• Any other part that needs attention or just breath-focus

We took another short break at 72 and finished with 12 Surya Namaskar B, 18 Surya Namaskar X (I call this one as X as we add a standing posture in each sun sal), and then 6 of our choosing, followed by self guided back bends and inversions.

It was so beautiful to be practicing outside to a soundtrack of birds chirping and wind in the trees. There was a tranquility so powerful, that it energized every cell of my being.

After practice, I had the privilege of speaking to Len for a good hour about various aspects of surya namaskar and my process of doing 108 each day and blogging about it. He suggested that the blogging part is probably just as intense as my actual practice, if not more so, because it is forcing me to acknowledge what I am going through and putting it out there. I hadn't really thought about it this way, but it's completely true. Sometimes I feel as though I would prefer to do another set of 108 than to write, because writing forces me to pull my experiences out of my head and to see them rationally for what they are, rather than just sit in it. But, I know how important it is to document and share the process, so here I am.


* Anyone is welcome to join us this week for an early morning practice on the pier, just one block east of Cartier on Lakeshore Rd in Pointe Claire. We start at at 6am, but you can join in whenever you want. Canada Day we're doing a special practice. ($25, breakfast included-- part of the money is going to David Suzuki Foundation.)

Day 59 - Chatter-asana: Is talking during yoga so bad?

I reconnected with my old friend Natalie for a practice of 54 sun salutations this afternoon. We hadn't seen each other for several months, so we spent a good amount of time updating each other on the various aspects of our busy lives.

As we chatted our way through the first 27 or so, I wondered if talking while practicing yoga is really so bad.

I am aware that the common belief is that it's best to be 100% focused on each breath and each posture and that chatting in yoga is discouraged. While I understand this and agree to a certain extent, I'm all for variety. I think a little chatting during a practice can be beneficial. After all, expressing feelings to a good friend can improve tension release and promote healing, and this coupled with surya namaskar can be really powerful tool in transformation.

Discussion can bring new energy into a practice and make it lighter. In a group class, I think a bit of dialogue helps foster community and puts people at ease. But don't get me wrong, no one appreciates a bitching motor mouth. What's said and how it's said makes all the difference. Right intention is key.

On the flip side, I think i's also important to observe silence. It's restful to just follow the sound of the breath and flow effortlessly from one pose to the next. This is why I enjoy solo practices a lot. It helps me connect with me and allows me the space to hear what's really going on inside my brain and body.

So, in conclusion, I am continuing to explore different ways of practicing and discovering that everyday is different, and that adapting my practice to suite my needs keeps things interesting and therapeutic.


(Speaking of trying different things, today, Craig decided to be creative with photo editing!)

Day 52 - Conversations with an 83-year-old yogi

Allow me to introduce my amazing 83-year-old yoga student, Max.

Max and I have been doing yoga together two to three times a week for nearly three years, and he is a total inspiration to me. We do a full practice together-- meditation, pranayama, opening poses, sun salutations, standing postures, seated postures, backbends and inversions. He has fierce concentration, likes to work hard, and is very interested in making sure that he is doing the postures "right" (no matter how often I tell him that there is no right or wrong way to do yoga).

Max is a Holocaust survivor originally from southern Poland. Despite not having any formal education past the age of 14, he has a sharp intellect and knows a lot about a lot. He and his younger sister escaped a Nazi raid that killed his whole family by hiding in the woods and working on small farms incognito until the War ended and they immigrated to North America. Max made his why to Montreal in the 1950s and set up a fashion house for ladies' evening wear, which became quite successful.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I like practicing with Max because it's like going on a journey. We discuss a variety of topics-- classical music, relationships, ballet, fashion, travel, food, Jewish history, and language. Although this may not seem like part of a serious yoga practice, but I've come to understand that it truly is. Conversation creates connection and yoga, of course, is all about connection. We should name this. "Chatter-asana," perhaps?

Here's what Max has to say about yoga:

"I do it because it's good for my body. It's unbelieveable. It helps my mobility. It gives me more flexibilty. I don't feel like and old man, except when i get out of bed in the morning, but that's another story. It's no fun to be 83 that's for sure. It's more fun to 63, but I think yoga helps my mentality and my brain. I like the breathing. Nobody thinks about breathing and that's so important. I can talk to you about yoga until Dooms Day. That's how i feel about it. Yoga is all benefits, to the body and to the mind."

(As for my 108 today, I still have a 72 to go... But now that dinner is digested, I'm going rolling out my mat and putting on some classical jazz.)